he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
