the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
