Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
