I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
