im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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