If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
