Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
