Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
