Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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