did you get engaged???
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
