WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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