We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
