If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
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I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.