Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
This house was built for laser tag.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch