im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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