Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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