Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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