I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
