I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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