it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
