In the future we'll all be gay
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Randomize
