first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
