these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
