this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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