my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
