The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
