Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
