Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
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he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
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Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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