My liver just broke up with me...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
