are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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