After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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