Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Less talking, more tequila
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
