in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
