Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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