U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
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You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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