you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
