Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
