we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
