oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
