What did we do last night that was yellow?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
there was a trapeze. enough said
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
