so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
