is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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