It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't deserve a penis
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
