just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
