I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
