3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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