Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
