I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
