i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
