he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
