He is such a slut. More and more my type.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
