easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
