At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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