Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
