Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
God I need to hump something, right now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
