So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
