At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
