"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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