Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
