Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
