Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
