so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
