Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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