based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
