seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
