just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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