my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she told me i tasted like america
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
