R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
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I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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