and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
