I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
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Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
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Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
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