you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
bring money and cleavage
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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