It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Are we still banned from the library?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How external is "for external use only"?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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