I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
