Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
