Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
