You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
