If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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