i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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