Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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