I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
