Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
