i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
