I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
