Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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